Re: My wife died tonight.
Posted: Sat Sep 24, 2011 7:42 pm
spiritfire...Sorry for your loss. It is a universal constant that no energy is ever lost in the universe. That especially relates to the soul of a person.
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I'm crying now as I read our ceremony, so I'm going to end this post here.Kathrine, Timothy is the Spirit’s gift to you, but he is not a gift for you alone. It is your highest will that in your love, this man might find within himself a greater sense of who he is meant to be.
You are asked to see the good in this man, to accept him for who he is and who he shall be, that thus he might be healed and made strong. In this way, your highest purpose shall be accomplished in this relationship. May this man find the kingdom of the heavens through the love you share.
And so it is with you also, Timothy, that although Kathrine IS THE Spirit’s gift to you, she is not a gift intended for you alone. You are asked to so love this woman, that in your love she might find herself as she is created, so beautiful and strong and brave and true, that the entire world might be blessed by the presence of a woman who shines so.
May she relax in your arms as she has never relaxed before. May she know, from now on, that there is one on whose love she can depend forever.
Spiritfire, what kind of work do you plan to go into?SpiritfireM wrote:The hard part now is I will have to find work asap. Our sole income was her Social Security Disability. Because of the rules of the SSA, I don't qualify to get any of her SSD as her widower. I'm about 20 years too young. It's not that I don't want to find work. I do, I want to get into the work force again. Staying at home with little to do will drive me crazy now. I was so used to our daily routine, getting up first thing in the morning to prep her medications and give them to her, change her and clean her up, then make her breakfast and feed her by hand. Throughout the day I'd be feeding her, checking on her, changing her, etc. Now that that routine is gone, I'm having to adjust to not doing that, and it's making the days feel even longer.
That's what was her wish. And after all, it is just ashes. Oh yes, it is her ashes, makes it special and unique, but still, just ashes, something material. Trust me, I know from my own walk of life, that "spirit" is so much stronger than matter. After all, the memory of her is a bright shining crystal in your heart, worth more than ashes. And that crystal will go on shining, even stronger.SpiritfireM wrote: I had been contemplating keeping a small portion of her ashes for myself, to be made into a crystal. After a lot of contemplation, I have decided to have all of her ashes sent where she wanted them, rather than keeping some. I think this will be for the best, to carry out her wishes completely.
Tears are an important part of dealing with things, like saying good-bye. Psychologically, it's even a need of the mind to deal with bad experiences, sad feelings and after all with depression (has to do with a neurotransmitter in tears, being washed out from the brain, that else would, in high dosages, form depression).SpiritfireM wrote: I've cried a lot in the last few days, and will probably cry even more for a while. It's ok though, I knew it would be like this.
Vanessa, I've never heard of that before. Any info on it, I'd like to read. Wonder what "tears of joy" would have in them?Vanessa wrote: (has to do with a neurotransmitter in tears, being washed out from the brain, that else would, in high dosages, form depression).
No, actually that is the last thing I want to do now. After taking care of her like I did for three years only to watch her die, taking care of people is not something I would want to do again. It was stressful, painful, and depressing. I know I could probably get a job in that area, but it would be just substituting taking care of my wife with someone else instead, and that is not going to give me closure.narcissus wrote: With your experience of taking care of her and it's a part of your routine anyways, why not get paid for such work: perhaps finding works in home health care, assisted living, being an aide in a nursing home/assisted living/hospital/home care might be a consideration. Just a thought. I doubt it would be difficult to find a job in those places, (but perhaps your location might be problematic) you have experience with your wife, all you might need is CPR certification and such, which you might be able to get through the place you work for, as well as training.
Understandable. I was talking to someone else on this forum about a hospital job, and they wouldn't do it, because their grandmother died there. The environment at a hospital, depending upon the area, you see the family members and friends, full of grief and sorrow when someone they value is passing. There was one guy that was all alone, no one came to visit him and he was going to die. A nurse, after her shift was over, went home, cleaned up, ate or whatever, came back to sit in his room with him so he wouldn't die alone. I see and hear all kinds of things. My hospital system, out of 4,800 in the country, 17 of which made the National Honor Roll of the US News and World Report, was among the selected for Best Hospitals in US recently. One girl I knew that worked in my department, eventually transferred to became a nurses aide because she thought it was a "calling" or something because of the death of her grandfather, for she was good at taking care of him, so maybe that's what she should do for a living, something pushed her into it thinking it was a "calling" but I don't know what, because when people talk like that I don't really listen after that. But since she went through the whole process she had THEIR perspective (family members), THEIR experience firsthand, and wanted to help others through things, come to terms with things, because of that. It's all in how you look at it.SpiritfireM wrote:taking care of people is not something I would want to do again. It was stressful, painful, and depressing.