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PostPosted: Thu Jan 05, 2006 11:14 pm 
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Quote:
I m having a problem understanding the reasons why someone who helped and offered guidence for so many, couldnt be helped by someone.


My feelings exactly, putzzz, and just like Vanessa stated, the big question in here, is why?...

As requested by DaveC, I will post again the picture that I used in the Announcement´s thread about Ishtaria´s death, I would also like to remember Ish like this, so here goes once again for you, Ish, with my deepest respect...

Image

Thank you Ishtaria for your hard work and dedication for all of us, you will be missed like you have no idea...



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PostPosted: Fri Jan 06, 2006 1:23 am 
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If I could I would
I'd change everything
Cause I can't forget you though you don't believe me
Now I can't walk back
I can't leave behind
Where does it go all the light that you had?
It's all over but the crying. (Shirley Manson, "It's all over but the Crying")

You are still my friend, Ish, wherever you are.

We walked through a lot of the same hell together. I understand why you felt like you did. I wish I could have said goodbye to you. I wish I could have done more for you. I can't stop crying for you. I miss you so much my friend.

Rainy


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 06, 2006 1:56 am 
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Thanks Fargo for reprinting the angel pic; it is a sweet way to remember her. I love that picture. Every time I saw her little avatar, I knew something important and worthwhile was about to be read. I will really miss seeing it, and her of course :cry:

Rainy, what are those lines from? They are heartbreakingly beautiful, and it seems that they sound familiar? Thanks for printing them...

PBS



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PostPosted: Fri Jan 06, 2006 6:43 am 
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G'day everyone............


I can honestly say I can't understand WHY Ish took the path she did.
But then I am not in the position and haven't been through what Ish has been through,so my understanding is limited to a philosophical one.
Whenever I think about this subject I am left with no definate answer as my outlook encompasses so many philosaphys.
So I wish you Ish a speedy journey into the next life,and may all your troubles be left here in this one.

I wish you good kahrma Ishtaria.


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 06, 2006 8:01 am 
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My heart and prayers go out to Ish's children, family and friends. I want to add my name and voice with you all and lift her up in prayer for everlasting peace and joy. God bless Ishtaria.
I joined this forum before the transition to this format. Ish worked hard to get it up and working to accomplish what we enjoy now. She was great at helping us old forumers make the transition and tried to accommodate us who were "puter challenged" to get up to speed. She replied to my inquiries as soon as she could and helped me greatly. I haven't been as active in my postings for a while, but I always checked in once in a while and saw that all was well here at home thanks to Ishtaria.
Ish was not only witty and amazingly brilliant in her work for TDF.. she was wise and compassionate and human.

We miss you already Ish. Tell Slate hi for us when you see him.

Bob



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PostPosted: Fri Jan 06, 2006 1:09 pm 
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The posts here by other members have covered a lot of what is to be said about Ish. I would just like to say that Ish was a wonderful person and she did care dearly about this forum. There will never be anyone like her and she will be missed more than I think she ever could have realized. I also want to stress how important it is that any of you, who ever feel like life is too hard, or you see no possible end to your suffering, please, for God's sake, reach out to someone!!! Fargo said it best, we are a family here and we need each other to lean on and enjoy the happy times with, but also endure the sad. Everyone has problems in life and sometimes it seems that we will suffer forever and never be happy again, but it's just not so. We need to all be here for each other and know that things will always get better and you have to stay strong and reach out to friends and other loved ones for help when you need it. Ish will never be forgotten and I give my condolences to Ish's family and I hope Ish is at peace now. Bless your heart and soul, Ish. Your memory will live on here at TDF always and thank you for all that you have done for us.

Mel :cry:


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 06, 2006 9:10 pm 
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I agree, Mel......I wish that our dearest Ish would have just been able to see how many friends she had in here, and reached out to us :?



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PostPosted: Fri Jan 06, 2006 10:46 pm 
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One of the most impressive posts that left a profound impression with me was when she decided to educate me about how a doll should be built based on a resin figure and how it could be compared or implemented to the Superbabe doll. To share some history of that post, here is Azimuth_Design .

What's so funny is that I only made a small observation of how similar the Superbabe looked with some of Mike James' resin figurines. If you look at the reply that Ish posted, it will link you into the Azimuth Design/Superbabe thread and you can see what a great review or report she gave on the possibilities of creating a new doll between the two companies! :D

The way it was written and the photos that she provided to show how each stage of development would have to occur, really opened up my eyes! After I read the review, I realized just how dedicated Ish can be on any subject and not just the administrative part of TDF. I said to myself, if Ish ever gets a RealDoll and if I could manifest my ideas in creating a new doll for the market, Ish would be first on my list to do a comparison/review of RealDoll against my version. I would just simply ship one of the prototypes free of charge right to her doorstep because I know she would be thorough and fair if came to the point of telling me what improvements, modifications I would have to make in building a better product. I had that much confidence in her. I know if she posted anything on this forum in relationship to my creation,she would give you guys an honest and straight forward opinion of whether or not my product would be worthy of purchase or not. She is that protective. But as fate would have it, this can no longer be. There are others in this forum that I believe that could provide this same service, but Ish just seem to grab my attention when it came to her own way of showing support for the members of this forum.

Another post that I found very interesting to read from the past was how a particular movie affected her especially one specific scene. The topic was Loly_was_very_tired_this_morning... and I made the comment of how Loly looked like Rachael the replicant from the movie Blade Runner. I found it interesting that one of the most memorable scenes for Ishtaria was the death scene of Roy Batty which was no doubt a the high point of the movie. Ish even provided us readers a couple of audio files including the last words that Roy said before dying in the movie, which by the way, the files still work in the "Loly" thread. There is no doubt that Ish is a person who felt a lot in this life.

I guess for Ish, it was her time, but in a different way. To try to fight the good fight was a weight that was just to heavy for her. I also echo the sentiments that Tweety was implying and that is if any of you forum members are in a deep rut in this life, please talk to somebody. I don't post much, but p.m. me or somebody and get that weight off your shoulders! I don't care if it sounds stupid or embarrassing or whatever it is that is causing you to feel that bad...SPIT it out!

When I read Ish's Merry Christmas thread and then I had to read Bill's announcement thread of Ish's death, it was unbelievable. There can't be any answers to a situation that went from that extreme to another. To leave this world, is to leave a mortal hell, but I hope her passing was quiet and in peace. My greatest hope is that the 'ol Master will extend his infinite mercy for our Dear Friend Ish.


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 07, 2006 2:15 am 
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Tina was one of the most incredible people I've ever known. She was one of the most dedicated and caring individuals and I can't count the number of times she and I exchanged PMs or phone calls, and I always came away from them feeling better. She was incredibly supportive and encouraging. I just wish I could have done more for her in return. She made her own way in this world and she'll continue to do so in the next. She'll smile on us and continue to brighten our world as long as we hold her close to our hearts and in the fond memories we have of her.

I love you, Ishtaria, and will always hold you close. Thanks for the light, and for all the love and support you gave so freely.



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PostPosted: Sat Jan 07, 2006 5:03 pm 
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When I first heard about Ishtaria's death, I was uncharacteristally at a loss for words, and I guess I still am. Not so much because of her death, but because of the manner of her death. When you get to be my age you have unavoidably had your share of encounters with death, both of friends and of family members, and you have no choice but to deal with it. But suicide is an entirely different matter altogether.

I have known a handful of people who have chosen to end their own lives. A few casual and business acquaintances have taken that way out over the years, including one who did so in a horrifyingly gruesome and vindictive fashion. Their reasons varied, from financial troubles, substance abuse and family strife to the inevitable intersection of those conditions. But the only person I have ever actually KNOWN who committed suicide was my aunt. So even though I did not know Ish nor did I know what demons plagued her, I do know what it feels like to have a close family member kill themselves and I know the full range of emotions that remaining family members have to deal with in the aftermath. Learning of Ish's suicide has brought those emotions back to the surface, again.

From my perspective, the most prevalent emotion among the surviving family members was one of denial. Nobody wanted to admit that she had actually killed herself. My father went to his grave without ever accepting the fact that his sister had committed suicide. It was easy enough to deny in her case, since she had substance abuse issues and she died from a drug overdose. But her death was ruled a suicide due to the sheer quantity of drugs she had ingested. There was simply no way anyone could or would take that many pills with the intention of ever waking up again. Adding to the severity of the situation was the fact that my grandfather had been murdered and my grandmother had recently passed away of natural causes. And she and my father had not seen eye to eye for a long time for various reasons, like many siblings. So between the loss of both parents and alienation from her remaining family, and the substance abuse thing, I guess she felt like her life was being "piled on" by circumstances beyond her control and the only way out for her was by suicide.

A few months ago when I read of Ish's finacial situation I empathized and commiserated with her, having been flat broke myself on occasion. I know how vexing it can be to have no money in a culture which, in spite of being steeped in self righteousness and false piety, worships wealth and possessions over all other gods. And being hungry and sleeping on park benches, notwithstanding being romanticized by Hollywood and all, just plain sucks, for those who don't already know that. So I kicked in a few bucks by way of Bill. Now in retrospect I am glad I did so and I sincerely hope my small contribution made things just a little easier for Ish the last couple of months.

But I did not know about the other demons. I did not know Ish was transgender, but I do know that folks who are transgender have among the highest rate of suicide of any group of people. I know most folks who are transgender are also alienated from their family. Throw in the burden of financial hardship and homelessness and it is easy to see how someone could feel like their life is being "piled on" by circumstances beyond their control. The situation is, in spite of there being a different set of demons at work, remarkably similar to that of my aunt.

So to you folks out there who actually knew Ish, and also to her family, I express all the sympathy it is possible for me to express. And to Ish, Godspeed.


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 07, 2006 5:04 pm 
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Ishtaria, we will all miss you. You were one of the great people in TDF and perhaps we did not tell you often enough how much your work was appreciated and your presence valued.

May you rest in peace.



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PostPosted: Sun Jan 08, 2006 2:31 am 
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Unfortunately I never had any contact with Ish. I wish I had.

I'm having some own experience with depressions and suicides. In my fathers family at least 4 family members committed suicide. My father had heavy depressions and finally committed suicide about 3 years ago. And a friend of mine tried to commit suicide but was found in time. I myself have depressions too so I have some first hand experience with that whole situation.

Having this kind of depressions is like having a daemon inside you that pushes you somewhere were you don't want to go. These depressions come in waves that can overwhelm you. If you don't have somebody to hold back you back

I know my father always said to hold him back and my mom never left him unattended. But after several nights without sleep she was just to exhausted and fell asleep and the next morning she found him dead. She was with him to his doctor two days before but the doctor missed all the obvious signs and she didn't say something in fear he might do something terrible not be hospitalized again.

So it probably wasn't really Ish's decision to end her live. She died of a terrible and cruel disease. It's a suffering like cancer and the end might come like as sudden as a heart attack. That's one of the reasons why in most of these cases you will not find a final note.
The saddest thing is that in most cases depressions can be treated with the right medication and therapy.

And it's especially hard for the family and friends since this is such an unnecessary dead.

For the person itself it is the end of a terrible suffering - that is the way you have to see it or you get depressions too.

Thomas


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 08, 2006 9:51 am 
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I didn't know her personally but of course I read her posts and she had said some kind words about my work at Ramsdale.

It's sad that anyone's life should end this way but the number of posts here in response to the news of her death are a positive reflection of the number of lives she has touched for the better - and in the end, perhaps the best tribute that can be paid to anyone's life is in the number of people who miss them and think well of them when they are gone.


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 08, 2006 12:55 pm 
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Years ago, when I decided to unlurk and join the forum, Ish was one of the first to welcome me here. She offered her help to me before I could ask.

We didn't converse regularly. Her posts regarding how she would configure Star before she ordered was the most social interaction that I had with her. Several times I considered sending her a PM asking how she and Star were getting along, if she had done any more photography and such. But it seemed that every time I thought about it, she would post regarding some upgrade or crisis with the forum, and that she might be unavailable for a few days. So I chose not to bother her with small talk.

Now my chance to do so is gone. :cry: She did so much work for the forum, did she miss out on the fun? I regret not sending those notes. It may not have changed anything, but I'll never know.

Rest in peace, Ishtaria. May you now find all the happiness and joy that eluded you here.

Mahtek



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PostPosted: Wed Jan 11, 2006 1:40 pm 
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I joined the Forum after the loss of Ishtarria, and even though I never corresponded with her directly, I have still read many of her posts, and seen the way everyone interacted with her.

Even though I never met her, even through the forums, I feel the loss of her. She was obviously a brilliant, energetic, and singluarly caring person, with alot of good friends, and I believe that the light of the world is dimmed by her absence.

I hope the next life is better for her than this one was.


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