Reflections and lessons after the death of my young son

[Ant999]

A skinny young doll may be great, but there is nothing like the death of your only child to bring you back close to the side of your old, plus-sized wife, and make you appreciate still having her.
Our son was born in 1995. A 4-year failed battle with Canadian immigration's medical evaluation brought us to the conclusion he was fairly high-functioning, but Autistic. He was computer literate by age 3 (on a Pentium 120 and Windows 95 or 98, I don't remember) and could speak to us about his day to day needs and his dreams for the future, but preferred to occupy himself with his phone, tablet and PC, currently the only Win 10 in the house, the rest of us still cling to Win 7. He occasionally asked for a pill for sinus or something like that, but as far as we knew his physical health was excellent. The last full week of July he seemed to be paler and ate a bit less. Saturday July 27 he became nauseous and rested most of Saturday and Sunday. First thing Monday morning the family doctor prescribed pills for anaemia and a suspected ulcer, but also some blood tests. Back at home the kid seemed to fall asleep, but his breathing was audibly heavy. 2:00 pm the doctor called and said the blood tests showed a kidney infection and kidney failure, life-threatening, he needed to go to hospital quickly. So forget waiting for an ambulance, put him in the car and go, and he was still aware enough to check his seat belt was properly fastened. The hospital is about 15 minutes away, I could see in the rear view mirror that he was still watching us, but then the eyes seemed to stare more and more and as we were within sight of the hospital, a few hundred yards maybe, the sound of his breathing stopped. ER tried for an hour to revive him, but the first thing they asked us was if he had diabetes, because his blood sugar was off the scale, the machine just said: HIGH, could not give a value. They gave up after an hour, and said there were ketones in his blood in addition to the high sugar. And not to blame ourselves for failing him, there was nothing we could have done, in the complete absence of clear symptoms to alert us to the silent killer that had quietly ruined his kidneys. It is not even clear if it was diabetes that damaged his kidneys or if it was the infection that did the damaged and triggered the diabetes in the process. But his kidneys were gone anyway, if he survived he would probably have needed dialysis or a kidney transplant. He was 28.
The family doctor said much the same, and consoled us with the assurance that our son is better off where he is now, free from the limitations of Autism and a failing earthly body, and us free from the worry of who would take care of him after our deaths, if he lived longer than us. When I mentioned research about Near Death Experiences as our best indication of what it is like where he is now, he related his personal experience of a frantic man bringing his wife to the doctor's rooms, clinically dead for a significant length of time, no pulse, no breathing, no reaction even to being gently poked in the eyes, but then she audibly started arguing with somebody not visible to anyone else present, about not wanting to come back. Then she came back to life and was angry with the doctor for bringing her back when she did not want to come back. When asked, she said that she had received instructions on the other side, but was not allowed to divulge details. She lived for another 18 years. So we feel fairly confident that in the hour ER tried to revive his body, our son was on the other side and was possibly given the choice to return, but did not want to, and that the generally positive description about serenity, meeting other deceased loved ones, etc. given by thousands of NDE survivors, is a good indication of what life after death is like, no matter what religion, or no religion at all, you believe in.

Since his chances of ever getting a living woman as life partner were minimal to zero, it was my intention that he would get Geniece when I die, but now she is facing a very uncertain future after my death.

So for those who still have real people that are precious to you, no matter how young and healthy you think you are, do yourselves a favor and go for an annual check of blood pressure, blood sugar, cholesterol, PSA (men only) and anything else you can think of, to avoid a silent, symptomless killer sneaking up on you, like it did on our young son. I'm 64, I do, but how should I have known that I should have taken my 20-something son along for the same check? And enjoy your doll, but keep your physically undesirable wife close, if you have one, in such a situation she is much more of a comfort and consolation. A doll?....no comparison.

[SinsuaLuvr]

My condolences to you and your family and sympathies for your loss.

Certainly a doll will not replace him, but I hope you can heal and always remember the better times.

Those we keep in our hearts and thoughts are never truly gone.

[DG]

I am very sorry for your loss.
I know what it is like to lose a child. I lost my eldest daughter 14 years ago when she was really little in a horrific accident.
I am so sorry.

[Vickylover]

Many condolences to you and the rest of your family Ant999. So sorry to hear about your loss. Hope that time will sooth your pain. Take care, Vickylover.

[Ava Love]

Sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my son at 26 only a few months short of his 27th.

Your pain and frustration won't leave you, it just becomes that little bit easier to think of and deal with.

Good luck going forward, hope you can find some small comfort in support.

[Ant999]

Thank you all for the sympathy. Yes, I believe it will become more tolerable over time.

[matt gloss]

Hi Ant999
So sorry for your loss I cannot imagine the feelings
Best wishes

Martin

[Ghosta]

Very sorry for your loss Ant999.

[Luiskjr]

Sorry for your loss @Ant999
I cant imagine your pain, wish you find the strength to carry on and both you and your wife have comfort in having one another. It wasnt anyone's fault but life

[Joe Bin]

Many condolences for your loss

[Totesreal2]

Sorry for your loss. No one was really at fault. But it is crucial to have annual checkups, especially if one already suffers from terminal conditions.

[Coeros]

I am very sorry for your loss. I extend my condolences to you and your family. May time help to soothe your pain.