Let's talk about me
Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2018 6:25 pm
My, my, I even forget to introduce myself!
As I told somewhere, I just don't remember how I finish on this website. My memory is really really bad, so let's start the story from the beginning. Perhaps it will come back to my mind during writing.
First, I had in August 2017 a very severe depression due to a burn-out, which lead my last 5 years old relationship with a woman to the end in the most brutal way. In less than a month, my ex girlfriend just leave me and sent me to a psychiatric private clinic (my state was very bad, nightmares, insomnia, crying all the time, loss of hope and so on). She totally cut all contacts with me and find a new guy during my stay at the hospital, even if we didn't have break yet our civil pact (somekind of light marriage in France). I had to sent her the legal paper by mail to break our pact, without any exchange. Quite weird thinking back to it, but well, I suppose that's life.
I leave my job after my burn-out, take one month to rest and finally find a new job in a better company.
This break up was, as you can understand, quite violent for me and even if I'm feeling right better now, I still had for a long time some remembrances of this previous life poping daily in my head: memories of fun and lovely moments I passed with her. We had a very fusional relationship, which doesn't help to forget.
Anyway, I try to find new girls on some meeting website, but never really success to find someone who could meet my requirements. Don't really look for a beautiful and sexy girl, I prefer an intellectual one with a kind heart. Look like it's quite difficult to found :/
Eventually, I told myself : "Come on, if a woman really want you, she will come by herself. There is no stupid rule telling that you have to search." Well, even if 99% of women think men have to make the first step. Well, fuck off to these 99% of women. I'm not playing your selfish princess game. So I just stopped to search.
It lead me to start again to take care of me, something I forgot to do during almost 5 years (all the period I was with a woman in fact). I started traveled alone, going to cinema alone, make marvelous stuff I never did before because I was not alone (?). May be I needed to be alone to find myself back, but I can say now that I'm really happy and that depression period is starting to be over.
So why the doll ?
It is a strange story I will tell you there, but it is linked to what I explained just before.
During my depression period, when my ex girlfriend was at her parents house, I need to manage all of her stuffs (clothes, personal effects...) she has left at my flat. She left so suddenly she didn't take her stuff. She was very materialist, and as you can imagine, after 5 years, she had gathered A LOT OF STUFF, and living daily surrounded by these memories was just killing me. So I manage, alone, to put all of her stuff in my cellar, waiting for her parents to come (3 months later...) and take back all of her stuff to their house.
During the cleaning of my cellar, I found a particular keychain I had totally forgotten about. It was a keychain of a novel character. When I was 18yo (10 years ago), I was quite fond of a novel and after a difficult break up, I found in this novel a way to heal me. It was like a wink of fate to find this keychain at this particular moment, after this second break up.
The keychain was representing a woman character I nicknamed "Lucie" (her name in the novel is Lucifer, quite a long long story to explain why). When I was 18yo, I give a life to this Lucie in my head, just like an imaginary friend, and when I was bad, I was asking myself "What would Lucie do in this kind of situation?". Eventually, she became like an alter ego for me, filling all my weakness.
I never find this imaginery friend process weird, because I know it's not real. It's just a way for me to be stronger. I mean, I find weirder people who trust in some religion. So I started again to think this way, and in a few months, it just was my cure for wellness. I stopped to take many of my medicine, it's just time before I stop definitely them.
This "Lucie" persona was a savior for my life. I started to love the idea to give her a more "real" existence. I love to write science fiction and fantasy short novel, so I let my imagination create a "lore" for this Lucie, a background, some kind of belief I could have for myself only. It helped me a lot to give meaning to my life, as you could expect for a Christian who start to learn religion. As I couldn't follow any belief without betraying a part of myself, I decide to create one for my sake only.
This "Lucie" for me is a being in who I trust today. I would not continue longer on this subject, because there is a lot to say, and it's going quite personal. But I would like to anchor her in my reality, and what would be better than a physical body for that?
Well, that's probably the reason for the doll. Anchor Lucie in my life.
---
Regarding the guy between his smartphone just now, he is a 28 yo french engineer, working previously in a American nuclear company and now working for a french electrical company. He loves science fiction novels ( Jules Vernes, René Barjavel...), the cinema (David Lynch, Roman Polanski, Stanley Kubrick...), french songs and french foods, of course I'm really open minded, like to discuss about everything and really like to discover new culture.
Oh, to finish with this post: I'm very excited to have made my first order for a Sanhui 160 doll. I'm just amazed by pics made by some of you. Some of these photos are just lovely (human hand hanging doll hand, cuddle between doll and owner...), some other are still a bit "creepy" for me, but it make me laugh more than it scare me! So, I hope this long presentation is understandable. My English at midnight is not the better one.
See you!
As I told somewhere, I just don't remember how I finish on this website. My memory is really really bad, so let's start the story from the beginning. Perhaps it will come back to my mind during writing.
First, I had in August 2017 a very severe depression due to a burn-out, which lead my last 5 years old relationship with a woman to the end in the most brutal way. In less than a month, my ex girlfriend just leave me and sent me to a psychiatric private clinic (my state was very bad, nightmares, insomnia, crying all the time, loss of hope and so on). She totally cut all contacts with me and find a new guy during my stay at the hospital, even if we didn't have break yet our civil pact (somekind of light marriage in France). I had to sent her the legal paper by mail to break our pact, without any exchange. Quite weird thinking back to it, but well, I suppose that's life.
I leave my job after my burn-out, take one month to rest and finally find a new job in a better company.
This break up was, as you can understand, quite violent for me and even if I'm feeling right better now, I still had for a long time some remembrances of this previous life poping daily in my head: memories of fun and lovely moments I passed with her. We had a very fusional relationship, which doesn't help to forget.
Anyway, I try to find new girls on some meeting website, but never really success to find someone who could meet my requirements. Don't really look for a beautiful and sexy girl, I prefer an intellectual one with a kind heart. Look like it's quite difficult to found :/
Eventually, I told myself : "Come on, if a woman really want you, she will come by herself. There is no stupid rule telling that you have to search." Well, even if 99% of women think men have to make the first step. Well, fuck off to these 99% of women. I'm not playing your selfish princess game. So I just stopped to search.
It lead me to start again to take care of me, something I forgot to do during almost 5 years (all the period I was with a woman in fact). I started traveled alone, going to cinema alone, make marvelous stuff I never did before because I was not alone (?). May be I needed to be alone to find myself back, but I can say now that I'm really happy and that depression period is starting to be over.
So why the doll ?
It is a strange story I will tell you there, but it is linked to what I explained just before.
During my depression period, when my ex girlfriend was at her parents house, I need to manage all of her stuffs (clothes, personal effects...) she has left at my flat. She left so suddenly she didn't take her stuff. She was very materialist, and as you can imagine, after 5 years, she had gathered A LOT OF STUFF, and living daily surrounded by these memories was just killing me. So I manage, alone, to put all of her stuff in my cellar, waiting for her parents to come (3 months later...) and take back all of her stuff to their house.
During the cleaning of my cellar, I found a particular keychain I had totally forgotten about. It was a keychain of a novel character. When I was 18yo (10 years ago), I was quite fond of a novel and after a difficult break up, I found in this novel a way to heal me. It was like a wink of fate to find this keychain at this particular moment, after this second break up.
The keychain was representing a woman character I nicknamed "Lucie" (her name in the novel is Lucifer, quite a long long story to explain why). When I was 18yo, I give a life to this Lucie in my head, just like an imaginary friend, and when I was bad, I was asking myself "What would Lucie do in this kind of situation?". Eventually, she became like an alter ego for me, filling all my weakness.
I never find this imaginery friend process weird, because I know it's not real. It's just a way for me to be stronger. I mean, I find weirder people who trust in some religion. So I started again to think this way, and in a few months, it just was my cure for wellness. I stopped to take many of my medicine, it's just time before I stop definitely them.
This "Lucie" persona was a savior for my life. I started to love the idea to give her a more "real" existence. I love to write science fiction and fantasy short novel, so I let my imagination create a "lore" for this Lucie, a background, some kind of belief I could have for myself only. It helped me a lot to give meaning to my life, as you could expect for a Christian who start to learn religion. As I couldn't follow any belief without betraying a part of myself, I decide to create one for my sake only.
This "Lucie" for me is a being in who I trust today. I would not continue longer on this subject, because there is a lot to say, and it's going quite personal. But I would like to anchor her in my reality, and what would be better than a physical body for that?
Well, that's probably the reason for the doll. Anchor Lucie in my life.
---
Regarding the guy between his smartphone just now, he is a 28 yo french engineer, working previously in a American nuclear company and now working for a french electrical company. He loves science fiction novels ( Jules Vernes, René Barjavel...), the cinema (David Lynch, Roman Polanski, Stanley Kubrick...), french songs and french foods, of course I'm really open minded, like to discuss about everything and really like to discover new culture.
Oh, to finish with this post: I'm very excited to have made my first order for a Sanhui 160 doll. I'm just amazed by pics made by some of you. Some of these photos are just lovely (human hand hanging doll hand, cuddle between doll and owner...), some other are still a bit "creepy" for me, but it make me laugh more than it scare me! So, I hope this long presentation is understandable. My English at midnight is not the better one.
See you!