Fairy King wrote: ↑Mon Apr 22, 2024 4:31 pm
Even with some time gone by now, I still think about having a doll, but I still know that at the times when I won't be using the doll, I just don't want her around, knowing she's there, knowing that I have to keep her a secret from all my friends and family out of fear that I would traumatize them somehow if they found out, worrying that even if I built a hidden space somewhere in the house or garage, that somehow someone would wonder why the wall is thicker in that one spot, or why the drywall has a crack there, or why that bench is so heavy. I don't like having that weighing on me. All the time and energy that goes into setting all of that up, and taking care of the doll, and realizing that if I even put half of that energy into myself and finding a real woman, I probably still have a good chance of finding something with someone. But I still think about having a doll because something about dolls turns me on in a different way. I just can't think of a way to make all of that work together. I've thought about just using the pandemic as an excuse if anyone ever did find the doll, but I know they'd still be traumatized by finding it.
I totally get your point from your initial post and I totally understand the weight of having something that isn't considered "normal" by today's society.
I went through the same thoughts and feelings. My first doll was a WM108cm and once I was one and done, I didn't want it around anymore, even months after.
FF after a year of ownership, she was still there and I became accustomed to having her there. No judgement, no talking back. Just... Acceptance. Dressing her up was fun (of course so was the sex and this size of doll, the gel breasts are amazing) undressing and cleaning is just another thing to do.
After a year of ownership, I wanted something larger, enter the JY150cm Muscle doll. Size wise, she was fantastic as was her shape, but the gel breasts were not as soft at the 108cm and the shape is too unrealistic, so not I'm looking to go back to WM for a 148cm in hopes of getting some of that super soft jigglyness I miss from the smaller doll.
I guess after a little time, my get rid of it phase became I want to have it phase. Yes, there are people in my house that would be traumatized by finding it, but if that ever happens, I hope that they realize that doesn't change the person that I fundamentally am.
My suggestion is, just give it a bit of time to see if your guilt (? I don't know if that is the right word) turns to ok, this is fine and I want this.