JUST FOR LAUGHS

[Booty Call Dolls]

What do you call a computer mouse that swears a lot?

A cursor!

[Booty Call Dolls]

Have you seen the new movie, "Constipation?"

It hasn’t come out yet.

[Booty Call Dolls]

How many times can you subtract 10 from 100?

Once. The second time you would be subtracting 10 from 90.

[seagull]

[Booty Call Dolls]

The shovel was such a great invention.

It was truly groundbreaking.

-----------------------------------

[Booty Call Dolls]

Historians have proven that people from every zodiac sign survived the sinking of the Titanic...

Except Leo.

[silicon]

A few more funnys..

[Booty Call Dolls]

Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One cowboy sees a tree that’s draped in bacon.

"A bacon tree ! We’re saved!" he says.

He runs up to the tree and is immediately shot up with bullets.

It wasn’t a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.

[muesky6969]

A man walks into a bar and sees a sign pinned on the mirror behind where all the liquor is lined up, that says, "Ask the bartender how to win $10,000" Having been having a bit of bad financial luck the man leans over and ask how to win $10K. Bartender leans back and rings a bell and yells, "We have a challenger!!" Confused at the cheers that fill the bar the guy nervously asks again, "What do I have to do to win ten thousand dollars."
The bartender replies loudly, with gusto, "Well my fine friend, you have to complete 3 tasks."
Now even more nervous, kind of wishing he kept his mouth shut the man asks, "And what are those tasks."
Laughing evilly the bartender replies is a jovially loud voice, "First you have to drink 100 shots of Tequila, then... well you know that mean as hell looking pitbull guarding the door?" When the man gives him a scared nod, he continues, "Will you have to go pull out one of his teeth."
Looking nervously around the bar, and people crowding up closer, in anticipation, he says reluctantly, "Okay, and what is the last task?"
At the bartender and crowds jeering laughter, the man feels like he swallowed his stomach, when the bartender answers, "Last task is you got to go up stairs to do the granny." At that a call of "Woohoo!" come from the other side of the bar. The man looks over and sees like the oldest, most shriveled, gnarly old woman, he had ever seen, waving seductively and giving him saucy winks. Horrified the man gulps sickeningly. Know he really need the money to keep afloat for a while he yells, with false bravo, "I'll do it! Let's do this shit!"
At that the room explodes in cheers and the bartender starts pouring drinks as fast as they can be poured and the man starts drinking, one shot after another. After an undetermined time the man finally drinks 100 shots of tequila, then with a bletch he gets up and stumbles out of the bar, to where the mean pitbull is chained. A few moments after the door closes the crowd hears the pitbull yelp. The man stumbles back into the bar barely able to stand up straight, he walks over to be lead upstairs by the old decrepit woman, into a back room. After several minutes everyone in the bar hears granny yelp. The man appears at the top of the stairs and the crowd in the bar goes wild.
The man stumbles down the stairs and up to the bar, where he slams a tooth down and says "Give me my $10 grand, here is granny's f@#king tooth."

[muesky6969]

A man walks into a bar and sees a sign pinned on the mirror behind where all the liquor is lined up, that says, "Ask the bartender how to win $10,000" Having been having a bit of bad financial luck the man leans over and ask how to win $10K. Bartender leans back and rings a bell and yells, "We have a challenger!!" Confused at the cheers that fill the bar the guy nervously asks again, "What do I have to do to win ten thousand dollars?"
The bartender replies loudly, with gusto, "Well my fine friend, you have to complete 3 tasks."
Now even more nervous, kind of wishing he kept his mouth shut the man asks, "And what are those tasks?"
Laughing evilly the bartender replies is a jovially loud voice, "First you have to drink 100 shots of Tequila, then... well you know that mean as hell looking pitbull guarding the door?" When the man gives him a scared nod, he continues, "Will you have to go pull out one of his teeth."
Looking nervously around the bar, and people crowding up closer, in anticipation, he says reluctantly, "Okay, and what is the last task?"
At the bartender's and crowds jeering laughter, the man feels like he swallowed his stomach, when the bartender answers, "Last task is you got to go up stairs to do the 'Granny'." At that, a call of "Woohoo!" come from the other side of the bar. The man looks over and sees like the oldest, most shriveled, gnarly old woman, he had ever seen, waving seductively and giving him saucy winks. Horrified the man gulps sickeningly. Know he really need the money to keep afloat for a while he yells, with false bravo, "I'll do it! Let's do this shit!"
At that the room explodes in cheers and the bartender starts pouring drinks as fast as they can be poured and the man starts drinking, one shot after another. After an undetermined time the man finally drinks 100 shots of tequila, then with a bletch he gets up and stumbles out of the bar, to where the mean pitbull is chained. A few moments after the door closes the crowd hears the pitbull yelp. The man stumbles back into the bar barely able to stand up straight, he walks over to be lead upstairs by the old decrepit woman, into a back room. After several minutes everyone in the bar hears granny yelp. The man appears at the top of the stairs and the crowd in the bar goes wild.
The man stumbles down the stairs and up to the bar, where he slams a tooth down and says "Give me my $10 grand, here is granny's f@#king tooth."

[seagull]

Went to the cooking competition and all of the chefs kept yelling “cast iron pan” but I don't even know how to use that damn spell yet, I'm not a high enough level

[Booty Call Dolls]

After days of getting the cold shoulder from his wife, Larry finally confronted her.

"Admit it," he said. "The only reason you married me is because my grandfather left me a million dollars."

"Don't be ridiculous!" she shot back. "I don't care who left the money with you."

[Booty Call Dolls]

While filling my car up, I noticed a woman smoking while filling her car up, silly thing to do, but I know better than to confront strangers about their stupidity.

I see two cops on the other side of the street, they can see her but they aren't doing anything about it...

Tax dollars in action I guess.

As I am going to pay I hear this screaming behind me, like "I am dying!" type screaming.

I look around and see that this woman's arm is on fire!

She is literally running around the station waving her arm in the air!

The cops jump into action and put the fire out, then arrest and handcuff her!

I think this is a bit harsh and that the woman should be going to the hospital, not jail so I ask one cop why are they arresting her.

The cop replied, "For waving a firearm in public."

[Cameramike]

Waving a firearm.... very dangerous....

[Jusnukinpanub]

What do you call a fly with no wings?

A walk.