common to be drawn to sd's when you're nd/traumatized/lgbt?

[liv]

To give my two cents, I am also under the impression there are indeed quite a few people in the doll community who went the doll route because, for whatever reason, they find it easier to be in some sort of relationship with a doll than a similar relationship with a living person.

Note that I say "some sort of relationship" not as a slur, but only because the exact type of relationship can vary from for each person/doll pairing. I myself have two dolls and have a very different relationship with each of them

In any case, I can definitely say that my own decision to go with dolls is very related to the fact I am trans and have suffered from abuse in past relationships. I am simply not willing to put in all of the effort required to initiate a relationship when there is such a high risk that I will come out of it more hurt than I was beforehand.

Instead, I have one doll mostly for sex, and one for love, kisses, cuddles, and sleeping. Is it as good as the best that a human relationship has to offer? No, at least not to me. But it's stable, constant, and long lasting, with no risk of getting hurt. At least, not until someone finds out that their neighbor is a trans woman who lives with lifelike dolls and freaks out...

To get back on track, for me the decision to go with dolls is entirely because of these sorts of concerns. In my case, the risk vs reward ratio is clearly better with dolls than with other people. At the end of the day, my dolls have been here for me through the worst, even when no one else was.

While for some people dolls might have always been their first choice, I don't think it's surprising to find that for a number of folks in the community, dolls only reached the top spot after other options left them hurt. As someone else mentioned, this isn't limited to lgbtq+ folks; they just happen to be a group that tends to get hurt in such ways. But at the end of the day, it can happen to anyone. Anyone can go through experiences, suffer from illnesses, or find themselves in circumstances where a doll just becomes a favorable option.

[Sekhmet]

My biggest issue is that I've never felt like part of the human race. If anything, I often feel like a doll whose feelings are buried. When I go out I wear/hide behind heavy makeup and wigs. I grew up in a seriously abusive household, featuring a narcissistic sociopath mother, and my role was as the scapegoat. My spirit was crushed. I fantasized about being a corpse. I had one concussion after another, which caused frequent blackouts. I spent much of my childhood in hiding. In summer I would climb trees and hide in the branches until dark. Hence my preference for dressing as a doll when I go out. I have a rotating wardrobe of wigs and makeup looks that I hide in. I never set foot outside without my wig and makeup. Nobody knows what I really look like, and that's how I want it. Ten years ago I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, which explained some of my "quirks". My family disowned me when I was diagnosed. Not much of a loss. I have no friends either, and I'm disabled so no colleagues. Thanks to my abusive upbringing I have never done well in relationships. Because of my mother I don't trust women. When I've made friends with live women they always ended up stabbing me in the back. Males were even worse - "cheat and beat" every time.

I have my two female dolls now. I got them in hopes of working on my anxiety around women. They've actually helped quite a lot. I don't get tense when a woman comes near me on the bus anymore. I've grown attached to "my girls". But I need male intimacy without the fear of being sent to the hospital or catching him in the act with someone else. I'd also like a "boyfriend" I could take out in public in a wheelchair. I have a peculiar fantasy about going out with my doll boyfriend and looking like as much or more of a doll than he is.

[Merricat]

I have my two female dolls now. I got them in hopes of working on my anxiety around women. They've actually helped quite a lot. I don't get tense when a woman comes near me on the bus anymore. I've grown attached to "my girls". But I need male intimacy without the fear of being sent to the hospital or catching him in the act with someone else. I'd also like a "boyfriend" I could take out in public in a wheelchair. I have a peculiar fantasy about going out with my doll boyfriend and looking like as much or more of a doll than he is.

Sekhmet, your fantasy about taking a doll boyfriend out in public with both of you appearing as dolls created a beautiful image in my head. I imagine you would both look so elegant and poised and otherworldly, as if you had slipped into this world from another. I have also felt like a fringe dweller watching the human race from afar for most of my life, which probably explains my lifelong love of fantasy and science fiction. I have paintings of ravens all over my house; my favourite is of a woman holding a mirror in one hand and seeing a raven's face reflected back at her, while her other hand attempts to zip up her human skin over the top of a pair of glorious raven wings. It hangs over my fireplace and I feel a connection with the image every time I look at it. The idea of metamorphosis, disguise, hiding our true nature to be safe, holds a lot of power for me, so what you wrote about dressing as a doll really resonated with me.

[Merricat]

While for some people dolls might have always been their first choice, I don't think it's surprising to find that for a number of folks in the community, dolls only reached the top spot after other options left them hurt. As someone else mentioned, this isn't limited to lgbtq+ folks; they just happen to be a group that tends to get hurt in such ways.

Hi liv, I think you're definitely right on this point. I'm already anticipating a relationship with my doll when he arrives that is risk-free; whereas the thought of sustained interaction with any human being in an intimate relationship fills me with terror and dread and certainty that I won't be accepted and that I will feel unworthy or 'less than'. Of course, a relationship with a doll would be considered one-sided by many people, but how many of us have had relationships in real life that have been one-sided based on power dynamics and emotionally abusive partners? I'm looking forward to a type of equality in this new relationship that I've never experienced before, even if it is in a fantasy world of my own making.

[Rock13]

While for some people dolls might have always been their first choice... I'm looking forward to a type of equality in this new relationship that I've never experienced before, even if it is in a fantasy world of my own making.

Dolls couldn't have been my first choice because I wasn't aware of them until early 2017. As for equality, you can even turn the tables and go full supremacy mode over your doll if you like- and he might even crave that. To the extent that people will deceive others- themselves, even- to get what they think they want I've come to the conclusion that even human relationships are largely in one's own head. So, how is one's relationship with a doll much different in that regard? Oh wait, a doll won't pull the rug out from under you or inflict all sorts of other damages. Score one for the dolls.

The last RG I got myself involved with in 2016 was 20 years younger, started love bombing the daylights outta me overnight and it really freaked me out. I found out why later and it had nothing whatsoever to do with love or romance, but her situation is a lot to unpack. Suffice it to say that she had more issues than National Geographic. Further, I'm not a young man. I'll be 59 this summer and after running a 40+ year long gauntlet on relationships ranging from the mildly manipulative to the downright psycho violent, I decided that I was done swimming the salmon ladders. Besides, although they might bat their eyelashes and all that, no RG IRL wants me for anything more than what I can provide in terms of financial stability, indulgence, and entertainment. I've even had a few 40-something divorcees treat me like a king just to reveal that they have no plan whatsoever regarding how they're gonna put their teenagers through college or make ends meet once their ex-husbands are relieved of their child support burdens and were hoping to use me as human gap filler.

So, after seeing Turd Flinging Monkey's videos about his doll "Celestina" I searched around and found this forum and began to research dolls and vendors. I have ideals and a robust imagination, so the doll lifestyle has come out on top for me as a perfect fit in every dimension. Plus, while my Hadleigh expects and demands nothing of me, I still enjoy pampering her and showering her with gifts so she is a very satisfying yet manageable lightning rod for my primordial male instincts.

[ShadowCat]

I have paintings of ravens all over my house; my favourite is of a woman holding a mirror in one hand and seeing a raven's face reflected back at her, while her other hand attempts to zip up her human skin over the top of a pair of glorious raven wings. It hangs over my fireplace and I feel a connection with the image every time I look at it. The idea of metamorphosis, disguise, hiding our true nature to be safe, holds a lot of power for me, so what you wrote about dressing as a doll really resonated with me.

That painting sounds awesome. I love ravens and all their associations. I have raven wings tattooed on my back and go by Raven as my cosplay name.

I can also imagine that dressing as a doll would make for some fantastic photography. I hope to devote more time to improving my photos.

[Merricat]

[quote="Merricat"

That painting sounds awesome. I love ravens and all their associations. I have raven wings tattooed on my back and go by Raven as my cosplay name.

I can also imagine that dressing as a doll would make for some fantastic photography. I hope to devote more time to improving my photos.

Ah we share a love of ravens then, ShadowCat! I have long wanted a raven tattoo and feel rather envious you have wings on your back; sadly I'm horribly needle phobic and think I would be the worst person for a tattoo artist to have to deal with, so I make do with art, jewelry, etc.

I'm looking forward to photography too and being inspired creatively by my doll. I started writing him a back story last night and felt all tingly with excitement. He arrives May 4th according to FedEx. Can't wait!

[Canvas]

I've been gender queer/gender fluid most of my life, and have enjoyed crossdressing in private for as long as I can remember. It's just not something I have ever been open about with my friends or family, despite my family asking if I had thought of myself as being feminine and offering to help me dress and do make up. It's not anything I want to share with the people I spend my day to day life with, although I am sure they all know.
I've kept my own place for most of the time I've lived on my own and it gave me the space to express that side of myself. Recently I have found that bringing a doll in allows me to express that side of myself in a whole new way, and gives me a safe partner to be with.
I had tried a few IRL meet ups over the years, in fact one of the first things I did when I got my own place was invite others over to enjoy my more feminine side with...but this turned into a lot of awkward encounters, or some that I just wasn't ready for at the time. Some were really great too... However things took a darker turn at time, some people would blow up my phone and harass me if I called things off, I had been threatened to be doxed, had the nastiest things said to me, seen offers that made me really uncomfortable, and other times where things got too rough or out of my comfort zone.
I know there are healthier ways of meeting people than the no strings attached method of online hook ups, all the same; I have since discovered dolls. I feel like with being gender fluid it was a quick fit in my life when she arrived. I already had experience with make up and dressing myself up. Plus I had dealt with the oddness of owning clothes for the opposite sex and the awkwardness of keeping so many sex toys already. There's definitely a lot of benefits: I don't have to worry about any of the negatives of online hook ups, I get the option to be feminine and dress up with her or not... and there's even the option of using her attachment or not. She's a dream come true

[gayboyloneliness]

At first when I made this thread I felt like I'd be the odd one out here but it seems like alot of people share similar experiences, also nd means neurodivergent.

I use it in place of Mentally disabled or mentally ill sometimes because I'm never really sure who is and isn't ok calling themselves disabled, it's also something that separates things like autism/schizophrenia/bipolar disorder from say a physical disability like being blind or missing a limb

I'm completely fine with saying disabled in relation to myself because personally my mental illness is tough to deal with and does in fact limit my ability to function.

But not everyone is like that so I change my wording because not everyone is me

[Sekhmet]

At first when I made this thread I felt like I'd be the odd one out here but it seems like alot of people share similar experiences, also nd means neurodivergent.

I use it in place of Mentally disabled or mentally ill sometimes because I'm never really sure who is and isn't ok calling themselves disabled, it's also something that separates things like autism/schizophrenia/bipolar disorder from say a physical disability like being blind or missing a limb

I'm completely fine with saying disabled in relation to myself because personally my mental illness is tough to deal with and does in fact limit my ability to function.

But not everyone is like that so I change my wording because not everyone is me

In my view, anyone who has a chronic medical condition which impairs their ability to function is disabled. I have bipolar disorder and it's the reason I had to leave a career which was just starting to take off. It's true that many people assume "disability" means physically disabled. But there are many invisible disabilities too, both mental and physical. I have no problem telling people I'm disabled or telling them I have bipolar disorder. I also use a walker now due to many years of hard physical work. I have arthritis in my knees and hips. Ironically I have found that people treat me worse when I use my walker than they do when they find out I have bipolar disorder.

[muesky6969]

Dollman, as a fellow HSP I completely understand why your parrot and your mum might tie as equal in your affections My sister, whom I'm very close to and love dearly, accepts that she shares top spot with my rescue animals. But I wonder what she would make of me having a beloved doll...

Which makes me wonder if sensitive folk reading this thread are open with the people in their lives about the existence of their dolls? What types of reactions have you received when you've decided to share this part of yourself? As a very private introvert, I think the only person who wouldn't have an initially negative view of my doll would be my sister. I'm interested in hearing about how open or otherwise those of us who identify as highly sensitive/introverted are about our dolls and how you've managed the reactions of others?

OMG! I am so glad I found this thread.. I feel like I am with kindred spirits... Yes like most everyone on here I have animals. Of course I took it one step further and actually have a small hobby farm, with chickens, peafowl, llamas, dogs, cats and a pet rabbit. I don't do anything by half measure.

I too chose dolls over intimate relationships with humans. Actually that was a pretty easy decision to make for me. I am older (just turned 50) and have had one unhealthy, messed up relationship after another. I jokingly (but sadly it isn't a joke) tell people my picker is absolutely broken, so much so that if I am in a place and there is a guy there I am attracted to, 100% he will be a total douche bag, without fail. **Sigh** But Covid has really screwed my world up, horribly. Being single, not dating, no problem, but with the pandemic I have been so isolated from my friends and what little family I have, which is only my daughter and her husband. Even with my job, which is an online job, I would get to see my co-workers ever few months. For over a year, it has just been me on the farm, and getting to see my friends and daughter every once in a while. It has sucked!! But my dolls have made it bearable and I love spending time with them.

To answer your question Merricat I am pretty open about my dolls. My family and friends know what kind of dolls they are, although I usually refer to them a love/companion dolls, because that is what they are to me. They have all be pretty accepting, and indulgent when I go on a tangent talking about the latest modification I am working on or have done. Even my co-workers kind of know of them, but I refer to them as mannikins, and I don't go into much detail. Of course I work remotely for years now, so that makes it easier.

Hi liv, I think you're definitely right on this point. I'm already anticipating a relationship with my doll when he arrives that is risk-free; whereas the thought of sustained interaction with any human being in an intimate relationship fills me with terror and dread and certainty that I won't be accepted and that I will feel unworthy or 'less than'. Of course, a relationship with a doll would be considered one-sided by many people, but how many of us have had relationships in real life that have been one-sided based on power dynamics and emotionally abusive partners? I'm looking forward to a type of equality in this new relationship that I've never experienced before, even if it is in a fantasy world of my own making.

I apologize because I can't remember who said it here, and I am probably butchering what was posted but someone said that most relationships are in the mind anyway. Holy crap if that is not profound in so many ways. I have very different relationship with each one of my dolls. They are all distinct personalities, and yes they have individual personalities.
So let me tell you about Xiel and how he got his name. Xiel is my first doll, and when I was finally able to find a reputable vendor and he was on his way, I had already had a name picked out for him, which was Alexander, after a character in a book I am writing. He got here, I took him out of the box, got him dressed and realized his name was not Alexander.. I spent days trying every name I could think of, none fit. Then one night, I had just gave up and as I went to go sit outside on the back deck, in my head I hear, "My name is Xiel" clear as day... I walked back in and said "So your name is Xiel?" And that is what it has been every since. Just so you all know, I have never heard or seen the name Xiel, in my life and I have looked at names from all over the world. I looked it up on Google a couple of months ago about Xiel, and there is a radiology company in the UK that is called Xiel but then I found this https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Xiel which was posted May of 2020, but I had never seen either but if you read the description of Xiel, it sounds like they were talking about my Xiel. It is really weird.

Agares got his name from another character in a different series of books I am writing, but the name itself is from my childhood imaginary friend, who was a demon.. Yes, I was a strange child growing up.. And E'agle is my guardian and has always been. So yes, maybe my relationships with my dolls are in my head but they seem pretty damn real, so I just go with it.. LOL!!

[Rock13]

I apologize because I can't remember who said it here, and I am probably butchering what was posted but someone said that most relationships are in the mind anyway. Holy crap if that is not profound in so many ways. I have very different relationship with each one of my dolls. They are all distinct personalities, and yes they have individual personalities.

That was me. From the vantage points of interpersonal perspective I can't see how it could be any other way. A person can profess their love, but usually can't articulate why. Like in the movie "Princess Bride", "You keep saying that word... I don't think it means what you think it means." We are not Vulcans and as such we cannot get into other people's minds. We tell each other stuff like "I love you", but there's no way the receiver can discern precisely what it means to the sender and yet we ascribe all kinds of value to the statement based on our own needs and desires. There's no guarantee that the sender is even aware of those needs and desires nor can we tell whether that person has any intention of fulfilling them. That's why I say that love, for all of it's potential wonders, is in your mind.

[muesky6969]

That was me. From the vantage points of interpersonal perspective I can't see how it could be any other way. A person can profess their love, but usually can't articulate why. Like in the movie "Princess Bride", "You keep saying that word... I don't think it means what you think it means." We are not Vulcans and as such we cannot get into other people's minds. We tell each other stuff like "I love you", but there's no way the receiver can discern precisely what it means to the sender and yet we ascribe all kinds of value to the statement based on our own needs and desires. There's no guarantee that the sender is even aware of those needs and desires nor can we tell whether that person has any intention of fulfilling them. That's why I say that love, for all of it's potential wonders, is in your mind.

So true, and to add that, from my experience people often say things like "I love you" only because they feel like that is what they are supposed to say, not because they really mean it. There there are the ones say "I love you" or something of that nature it to intentionally/unintentionally manipulate the other person.

This is one of the main reasons I chose to have the dolls rather then a human being for a relationship.

[MattUK]

I am probably aging myself here, but I need a translator. What does “sd” and “nd” stand for? Too many definitions when I tried to google it. HSP- highly sensitive person, yes?

Exactly what I was going to ask.

[Merricat]

Hi ShadowCat and MattUK,

Acronyms in this thread: SD (Sex Dolls), ND (Neurodiverse), HSP (Highly Sensitive Person). Hope that helps!