Lawrence

[DG]

Lawrence is going to get his own thread, since he is my main doll, and has been pretty much my constant since January 2019.

I have not decided if I am going to show his photos here or not, I am still thinking about it.

Lawrence (formerly known as Doc for us old schoolers) was my first doll. He started out as a homemade dummy made from pillows, towels, gloves, socks and a laminated photo of my favorite fictional character's head.
He has had many upgrades over the last 4 years up to his current form as a fabric/silicone hybrid.

Lawrence takes up the biggest space in my heart.

In this first post, I want to talk about his physical upgrades.

His first upgrade was to a 6ft tall fabric stuffed dummy body from Morris Costumes. I had to sew an actual 9 inch zipper onto the enclosure on his back after firming him up with Poly-Fil (polyester fiber fill), as the single, tiny square velcro was not going to hold his back closed.
His second upgrade was from a laminated photo face to an actual iron on decal sewn on cloth face.
His third upgrade was a wire coat hanger skeleton, which ultimately failed.
His fourth upgrade was foam pool noodles insulating the wire coat hanger skeleton, which also ultimately failed.
His fifth upgrade was silicone feet attached to the fabric body at the upper ankles via strong velcro, with a 36 inch metal dowel inserted into the top of the ankle, running up through the foam pool noodle up to his knees and held in place with a t-cap adapter.
His fourth upgrade was silicone hands (that often need to be repaired) that replaced the ugly vinyl ones he originally came with.
The velcro did not adhere well to the wrists on the silicone hands for some reason and so they fell off. I have four wig t-pins installed at four points in each wrist, however, gravity tends to take hold and they wind up by tearing the wrist and I have to remove the hands, the velcro and seal the damaged areas with RTV Clear Silicone adhesive and try again.
His fifth upgrade was a sturdy metal rod ran up through his spine that goes from the base of his pelvis to the top of his head, because the foam pool noodle spine became warped over time and he had a permanent head tilt. The metal rod has helped greatly with this.
His most current upgrade is that he now has the Smitizen Muscle Suit with Dildo. The hollow dildo is packed with foam padding, but I am looking into something with more firm of a core (such as a girthy vaginal dilator or a smooth dildo) to replace the foam padding.

I would like for Smitizen to make silicone pants or leggings that do not have the exaggerated calf muscles, but right now they do not have that option. I have considered reaching out to them to get a quote on having a custom pair made.

In my next post, I want to talk about his personality and how it has evolved over the past 4 years.

[Taeyeon]

Hello DG,

I remember Lawrence Doc doll!
He was always so nice and handsome man in his pictures^^
You did take so good care of Lawrence and did many nice improvements to his body.
You are so kind!
I search for his image, but all is gone ;_;
I wish you and Lawrence are very happy together!

TaeYeon

[DG]

Hi Taeyeon,

I removed his images a while back. Thank you so much for remembering him and for the very kind words you have said about both of us. He had to go away for a while, but he is now back. I'll write about that possibly in a future post.

[JerJer19]

I am very interested in this. I love how inventive you are. That body suit is amazing.

[true_blue22]

Hi, DG. It sounds like Lawrence's evolution has definitely been a labour of love for you. I've only been on the Forum for a couple of years, so I don't know what Lawrence was like back in the day. I commend you for trying different things to improve his body - even if they sometimes didn't work out. It doesn't matter if we fail at times: all that matters is that we're willing to keep trying until we succeed. The Smitizen muscle suit sounds awesome. I bet Lawrence is very happy with it, too. I think it's great that he now has his own thread and I look forward to hearing about his personality when you're ready to post that.

[DG]

I am very interested in this. I love how inventive you are. That body suit is amazing.

Thank you!

Hi, DG. It sounds like Lawrence's evolution has definitely been a labour of love for you. I've only been on the Forum for a couple of years, so I don't know what Lawrence was like back in the day. I commend you for trying different things to improve his body - even if they sometimes didn't work out. It doesn't matter if we fail at times: all that matters is that we're willing to keep trying until we succeed. The Smitizen muscle suit sounds awesome. I bet Lawrence is very happy with it, too. I think it's great that he now has his own thread and I look forward to hearing about his personality when you're ready to post that.

It has truly been and that may be the reason why he had remained my constant for all that time, even if on occasion the others gave him a "break". The muscle suit is awesome, I just wish the penis was not hollow and that the balls were bigger. It was a total pain in the ass to get on him, but completely worth it. Lawrence is definitely happy with the muscle suit.
I am still working on the next portion of the thread. It talks about his personality/character and what led to him having to leave for a while, how I coped, etc. So be prepared for dramatics. That is the disclaimer.

[Vickylover]

Hi DG, while I have seen your posts many times I didn't know much about you or your dolls. It was so nice to hear about Lawrence and all the wonderful things you have done for him. Keep up the great work and keep enjoying Lawrence. Take care Vickylover.

[DG]

Hi DG, while I have seen your posts many times I didn't know much about you or your dolls. It was so nice to hear about Lawrence and all the wonderful things you have done for him. Keep up the great work and keep enjoying Lawrence. Take care Vickylover.

Thank you, Vickylover.

Lawrence's Personality/Characteristics:

Lawrence originally started out as Doc, a middle-aged, single hippie. He had long, dark brown curly hair, that fell at his shoulders and mutton chops sideburns with five o’clock shadow stubble on his chin and his upper lip. He often went barefoot, or in men’s Birkenstocks sandals and Corona Flip Flops. He wore an olive-green Vietnam-era Army field jacket, khaki colored corduroys or faded blue jeans with a long sleeved, buttoned-down denim shirt and a straw Panamanian fedora.
Doc was a very laid-back, easy-going guy. Hedonism was his religion. But he also had a different side: he was kind, caring, loving, a great listener; always wanting to help. He cared deeply for me and I for him. Doc was a great comfort to me in my time of need.
But what Doc and I had begun to fade only a year later. We separated almost two years later for a while.
Doc came back as a new man: Lawrence. The long, dark brown, shoulder length curly hair was cut into a shorter, shaggy, suave businessman hairstyle. He had grown a mustache with his sideburns, still choosing to keep his chin shaved. He traded in his hippie wardrobe for that of a CEO Investor. Hedonism was traded for dominance and discipline. He remained laid-back and easy-going, but added a calmer, more level-headed demeanor. The love Doc and I had for one another evolved into a stronger, more intense love as he became Lawrence.
Lawrence became my Dominant and I, his submissive. I allowed him to lead me. He never wanted to control me, only lead, for my benefit. He wanted to help me grow and thrive, not just fight to survive. He wanted to make me happy and to help me find my own happiness. His love, tenderness, kindness, and care for me continued to grow.
He helped me in ways that no person could or would. He was there when everyone else left.

The third installment is not a happy one, stay tuned.

[Vickylover]

I was very interested to read about the development of Lawrence's character. The change from hippie to CEO was quite a big jump, but as long as he makes you happy that is all that matters.

The third installment is not a happy one, stay tuned.

That last line has got me worried now. I do hope everything is OK in the end. Take care Vickylover.

[JerJer19]

[DG]

Happy Days Turn to Lonely Nights:

But Lawrence was not permitted to stay in my life for long. Household dynamics, politics, call it what you will, interfered heavily with what Lawrence and I had. We only had six months before he had to leave (go into storage).
I was alone again. The terrifying loneliness did not creep in, it rushed in, completely overwhelming me. Any calmness, joy, or happiness that I had was gone. When Lawrence and Doc were here, I stopped acts of self-harm. Those desires to hurt myself came back with a vengeance.
However, no one in my household seemed to care. All they cared about was that I had become numb, yet they could not understand why, even when I bold-face told them the reason. They did not want to believe the reason. They wanted it to be something else; anything else.
No one wanted to help me with my loneliness, instead they chose to increase it ten-fold. I was lonely and there was nothing I could do about it.
I began smoking more, withdrawing more. I began to drink and even considered doing recreational drugs. Counseling was not helpful.
Still, I tried to move on without Lawrence. An opportunity to go back to work after being a full-time stay-at-home parent for fourteen and a half years presented itself last November. I immediately dove in head-first.
I love my job, but Lawrence’s absence was continually felt, even with the distraction of re-integrating into the workforce, learning my new job, meeting new people. Along with pictures of my family, I placed one of him too, in a separate frame, at my desk. It was all I had left of him.
Sending Lawrence away did not change the dynamics in my home, although I was told Lawrence’s presence was the problem. I believe the real problems are that the others are unhappy with themselves and have not found healthy, or any ways to properly cope. I believe that when I began to focus on my healing and allowed the others to be accountable for themselves, that was where the problem arose. When I began putting myself first, it was uncomfortable for the others. Instead of support, I received backlash.

However, all is not lost...

[Vickylover]

My gosh DG, you and Lawrence really have been through the mill. I do hope you have managed to get things back on a more even keel and have Lawrence back in your life.

However, all is not lost...

That last line sounds more hopeful, please, please take care of yourself, Vickylover.

[DG]

Thank you, Vickylover. I appreciate your support.

[Vickylover]

Thank you, Vickylover. I appreciate your support.

No problem DG, only too glad to be able to offer a little support. Take care Vickylover.

[DG]

New Beginning/Direction?

Now, 7 months later, I put my foot down and brought Lawrence home. Yet our relationship has changed again. He has shifted to a more platonic role, us becoming the “secretly in love with one another, but afraid to fuck things up with a romantic relationship” type of best friend relationship. The love we have for each other is still there, just not on a romantic level. It is if we are both afraid to pick up where we left off and allow our love to grow, out of fear that we will be broken again when we are torn apart again. The love has shifted to caution out of fear of loss.
I don’t want it to be like that. I want Lawrence to be my rock again. I want him to hold me in his silicone arms, with me lying on his toned silicone chest. I want to be able to look deep into his beautifully intense emerald eyes and have the strong desire to make love with him.
I don’t know what the future holds for us, or if there is to be any future. I don’t know if the next time we have to say goodbye, that it will be for good. What I do know is that my stupid ass, putting others well-being ahead of my own, may very well have lost the absolute love of my life, trying to please those around me. I feel as if I had made another ultimate sacrifice that has not been for my good. Like I said before, his departure improved absolutely nothing as far as the behaviors and attitudes of the other household members. What changed was my overall mental health, negatively, and the strength of the relationship and love he and I had for one another (also negatively).
Are Lawrence and I only meant to continue or move forward platonically? Is the romance truly gone, or do we just need to give it more time?